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The End
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G died on Sunday 30th April 2023 at 6.20am I haven’t written for a while as G’s condition rapidly deteriorated. I was so tired at the end of the day I struggled to do more than watch TV. I did take notes, however. So over the next couple of weeks I’m going to try and…
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Over the years G and I have established a routine around watching TV. As we’ve often been working or playing on computers we concentrated our joint watching around mealtimes where we would sit together and share the latest drama or blockbuster movie. Anything that wasn’t a joint interest we watched separately. Lately G’s concentration and…
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With a nod to the profundity that is turn of the century popular music “Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it.” (Ronan Keating) This is how our days are passing now, in a stomach churning, lurching spin from hope to despair. G is, at times, lucid and engaged and then he can’t remember how…
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It helps to keep a sense of humour when dealing with this crap. It’s not always easy, but I’m helped by G’s attitude to his changing situation. He worked so hard after he came home from hospital, relearning all the simple things and hitting all the goals he set himself. Now, in the last few…
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Drinks
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You would think that these huge issues with G’s health would be all encompassing and minor inconveniences would be pushed to one side, and to some extent that’s true. However, the changes in our lives manifest in a thousand pinpricks every day that cumulatively contribute to alter our landscape. G always made the drinks. Teas,…
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Today I received my first, well-meaning, “be positive and keep busy” piece of advice. I’ve been interested in the grief process ever since G was diagnosed, because the grieving has begun. I thought it might be useful to research what is likely to happen before I’m fully plunged into it and get a feeling of…
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It seems the most unexpected events can trigger a moment. This week we’ve had a downstairs shower room constructed to make like easier for G. It was made at one end of the space we call the computer room, in the alcove that for the past 25 years G has had his desk. The addition…
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Déjà vu
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In the first days and weeks after G came home I concentrated on searching out services and organisations that could help. I made sure we had the phone number of the palliative care team because G had decided that he didn’t want any treatment, didn’t want to go to hospital and was ‘happy’ to fade…
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The whale in the pond is, of course, the prospect of impending death, when it will happen and how it will happen. There are no answers to those questions so we have to ignore them, as best we can, and get on with the everyday life. That still means that every ache and pain that…
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Broken
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This may be indulgent, but in conjunction with my new attitude of giving very few fucks I’m ploughing ahead. Last year, when I put this site together my hope was that it would become both a record and resource for the projects I had in my todo list, maybe even inspire other older women to…