Keeping busy

Today I received my first, well-meaning, “be positive and keep busy” piece of advice.

I’ve been interested in the grief process ever since G was diagnosed, because the grieving has begun. I thought it might be useful to research what is likely to happen before I’m fully plunged into it and get a feeling of how I might be able to help myself. Keeping busy doesn’t seem to be the answer.  This article by Nick Frye has some insights:

This brings us to the myth of ‘keeping busy.’ When experiencing grief keeping busy only serves as a distraction that buries the pain underneath every activity you can pile on top of it. It only helps to make one more day go by which in itself connects to the myth that time heals all wounds.

https://whatsyourgrief.com/self-care-and-keeping-busy/

What I’m learning is that there is no way around grief, no quick fix, and it’s not healthy to bury it with distractions. It’s important to acknowledge and allow ourselves to feel our emotions, including those related to loss. It seems that Ignoring or suppressing our emotions can often make them stronger and more difficult to deal with.

I’ve read about leaning into loss, allowing ourselves to feel and process our emotions. As I understand it if we can learn to lean into it we can also learn to lean out and take a break. Of course we’re all different and there is no ‘one size fits all’ but I’m finding it useful to look at ‘grief myths’ such as those detailed in Russell Friedman’s blog The Grief Recovery Method. Knowledge is power.